Archive for June, 2007

Keep Focused

Posted in Auto Articles with tags , on June 24, 2007 by consortiumoffools

Focus on This

The parallels between cars and women have been defined and outlined in many conversations between myself and a dear friend (who now has a girlfriend, eh). But now I would like to delve into the analogy of a car as a child. This damn car, I have had it for 5 years. It was born in Mexico mid-2001 and I adopted it in December of that year. Well, I didn’t adopt it, I signed no papers, I paid no money– it was given to me. Ok, this analogy is not working at all. Cars are much more susceptible to getting wrecked and stolen. You can sell your car, but you can’t legally sell your child. I guess the only part of this insane-o analogy I want to hone in on is the fact that both are money pits. I have spent so much money on this car and there are still parts to be bought, still illnesses to be remedied, a windshield to be replaced. The horn doesn’t work. The right front suspension bushings or control arm or fucking something is making the most jarring of noises.  It’s like fathering a C average student. I have spent the past few years of my life investing in it and caring for it, but it still only barely passes for mediocrity. I can’t hit the damn thing. It wouldn’t do any good.

Another similarity between me and my car and the relationship one would have with his child is the idea of never-ending love. For some reason I am loyal to a car that no one else finds apealing. My child is the one that has panic attacks, kicks other kids, and will never amount to anything, but I still stand up for him.

But really, it’s not all bad. Even though the rear camber is out 2 or so degrees and it’s eating up tires like an Explorer perched atop Firestones, it still handles awesomely. I take out integras, civics, and neons on the auto cross track. A basic focus has more power, handles better, is designed smarter and is all around a better car than anything in its class. With the addition of my new sticky tires to the already lethal suspension, the car handles like it’s on tracks. Sadly the ride comfort is little better than a coal cart on those same tracks.