Simple Pleasures

There are varying levels of joy to be had in an automobile. The typical iteration of joy described in most car magazines and high school computer labs nationwide involves huge horsepower numbers and quick 0-60 times. The idea is that the faster the car, and inevitably more expensive, the better it is. Driving such a beast (740 whp cammed C7 Z06, for example) is extremely fun and fulfills all of the hype associated with such cars. This particular brand of car fun stems from intimidation. You feel the raw power as you tap the accelerator and hear the engine howl. You respect a car that forces its driver to assertively and smoothly engage the clutch, or face the immediate consequence of stalling.

The supercar appeal with speed at the forefront of features is certainly viable, but the opposite kind of car can be extremely entertaining in the right situation. Fast expensive cars are known for their power, but also their impeccable handling, quality interiors, and stylish exteriors. I recently drove a brand new Infiniti G37S with a loud exhaust system. It sounded pretty cool, had plenty of power and looked great in black. It didn’t really stir my bones too much. Its feel was stale. It could be that the G37 is just like the G35, and I’ve grown more than sick of that car.

After the Infiniti, I drove a new Hyundai Accent. These little cars are predictable and cheap. They handle poorly, sport plastic interiors with tiny seats. All these so called drawbacks and I had a hilarious time! With 85 horsepower and a light tinny shell of a chassis, the Hyundai feels like a fat go-kart. I punched it around a corner, experienced understeer, then yanked the hand brake which successfully whipped the rear around into a fluid slide. With a tweak of the wheel in the opposite direction, and releasing the handbrake, the rear returned to its rightful place. The lame suspension of the basic Korean machine made for a body roll experience not unlike a minivan. ‘Topsy turvy’ almost describes it.

I had a much better time experiencing inertia dynamics in an economy car than straight line acceleration in a finer vehicle. Small cars are perfect for tiny race venues such as autocross and larger race cars are fit for wide, several mile long tracks. Each is entertaining in its own right. But then again, I can have fun in any car!

Want a New SUV? Go Chevy, Not Toyota

According to common contemporary American vehicle ideology, the masses believe that Japanese cars are inherently economic and reliable.  This national notion has harmed General Motors’ sales.  Historically, I haven’t been a GM supporter.  On the contrary, I’ve always disliked Chevrolet.  But after driving the latest model of the Chevrolet  Suburban and Toyota Sequoia, I’ll take the Chevy.

Based on comfort, styling, power, and feel, the recent redesign of the Chevrolet Suburban trumps its closest competitors. Chevy and Toyota are often compared because they are the top two leaders in vehicle sales in the US. In the past several years, Chevrolet has been making an average product. Not terrible, but by no means exceptional. When Toyota closed in on Chevrolet’s market, they were forced to wisen up, and start creating quality vehicles. And they have.

The newest Suburban features comfortable leather seats, finger friendly audio and AC control knobs, a quick uptake and sleek looks. Toyota’s rebuttal to the Suburban is the Sequoia. It is based on Toyota’s largest truck, the Tundra, and shares the same unimpressive façade. It also shares the 5.7 liter iForce V8, which actually is pretty impressive. It gets up and goes, have no doubt, but unfortunately it’s a stab of uncontrollable power– which isn’t a bad thing, if you’re in a drag car. I’ll bet the truck delivers power more predictably during towing, however. In contrast, the Suburban accelerates quickly and predictably. The exhaust note is particularly pleasing, especially when selecting the least fuel efficient driving setting, “V8 mode.” The SUV’s computer will stifle cylinder operation for the sake of gas mileage in the other much less fun modes.

The interior of the Toyota feels cheap and reminds me of a fisher price toy. The AC controls feel loose when turned. The gear selector has the most awkward shape and placement. I wonder if I’ll break it as I pull it through the shift maze the Japanese are obsessed with. The cockpit of the Chevy is a whole different story. Knobs that feel expensive inlaid on a smooth surface are the hallmarks of the center control panel. Straightforward styling and practicality dominate. The steering wheel, optionally wrapped in leather, is easy to grip and amply aims the Suburban to the operator’s desired destination.

When it comes down to it, the Chevrolet just drives better. It’s built on a solid frame and handles responsively in traffic. This is the 9^th, and possibly the last, generation of the Suburban and it is the best yet.

Happy Easter Hyundai!

Not only is the latest generation of Accent egg-shaped, the cars come in Easter colors!

The Accent is Hyundai’s smallest car.  It’s sole purpose is cheap transportation.  It’s tiny, cute, and now comes with Hyundai’s brand new Assurance Plus financing plan.   The plan allows buyers to retain their vehicle for three months after they loose their job.  The pessimists (or realists, depending on how you see it) over at Korea’s finest foresee even more layoffs within the year.  If this happens to you, and you just bought one of their cars, Hyundai will pay your car payments for 3 months.  If you’re still unemployed you can just take the thing back to the dealership without negative effects on your credit.  All car dealerships take back their cars if owners cannot make car payments, but it usually kicks the owner’s credit in the ass.

A more interesting set of Hyundais is the Genesis.  There are two: the Genesis sedan and the Genesis coupe.  Each is a totally separate vehicle with few common bonds.  They are both RWD and are a noticeable step above the average Hyundai.  The designers actually tried to create a few high-end products instead of an econocrapbox-max (sorry Accent).

The two-door is what really excites me.  It can be ordered with one of two engine configurations, one a 3.8-liter V-6 with 306 horsepower, and the other is a 2.0-liter turbo four, with 210 horsepower.  And remember, rear-wheel drive!  Its wheels are set close to the corners, similar to the other comparable sport coupes.  This design allows for better handling and steering response (think Mini Cooper, but less so).

The car is a bit heavy as it sits (3300 lbs) but in the fall we’ll see a track version that costs $3,000 less, weighs less (no sunroof, no blue tooth, powerless seats), and features a torsen LSD and Brembo brakes.  All from the factory, all under warranty.  Hyundai, who do you think you are?  Honda?

The second car with the Genesis name plate is a sedan.  It’s larger and emulates a Lexus.  It’s yet another good example of why Japan should take Korean metal more seriously.

The sedan is the largest project Hyundai has taken on yet, and they’re aiming for the top.  A 375 horsepower 4.7 liter V8  powers this four thousand pound beast.  The styling and quality of the workmanship are alongside its Japanese counterparts.  The interior possesses several more amenities than a typical Hyundai, such as a center console media selector knob and a navigation system.    Roomier, comfier, and quieter than any other Hyundai, this large luxury sedan may not be quite as nice as a BMW or Lexus, but for $37,250, it’s a great deal!

Parallel Lives: Bikes and Cars

Cyclists and drivers do not need to be enemies. It is true that both piss each other off on a regular basis. Bicyclists disobey red lights, ride side-by-side in the street and think the road was designed solely for them. Car drivers disobey red lights, drive way too fast and think the road was designed solely for them. These differences are really similarities.

Each operator considers himself the most important person on the road. I know I do. When I’m driving, pedestrians and cyclists annoy me. When I bike, cars become individual icons of death at every intersection.

Bicycles and automobiles can live amongst each other, if only each demographic understood that both sports are similar.

Bikes and cars share many parallels. Both can be raced, taken off-road, modified, spent too much money on, and enjoyed. Beading a tire is the same principal in both. Both can be used for commuting to work. Both are fun forms of transportation. In each sport, racing technology trickles down to consumers.  The front fork on a mountain bike resembles the shocks found on cars. Both carry the same duties of absorbing impact from the surface of the earth.

My favorite parallel is the specialization of bikes and cars. Each can be built for specific purposes. But the trouble starts when a machine takes on too many responsibilities.

In both worlds, a mixture of specialized features equals a ride that attempts to be everything to everyone, and successfully useless at any individual task. Take for instance a hybrid bicycle like the Giant Expedition. It’s too heavy to go as fast as a road bike. It has no suspension, so it cannot be taken into the mountains and keep the rider comfortable. It has racks and lights, so it’s almost a commuter bike, but again, too heavy and sloppy.

The car counterpart of the hybrid bicycle is the small SUV. A small SUV, like the Ford Escape, was designed for multiple purposes. It has four doors, a rear cargo area, more ground clearance than a car, and an optional all-wheel drive system. It looks like it could go on some mountain trails, until you take a peek at the suspension components. The rear independent suspension, allows each rear wheel to move in separate vertical directions from the other one. This sounds like it would be good for off-roading, but it is not. It is weaker and provides less ground clearance. The four doors are great for a family, but not as practical for a single person. Sure he can truck around his buddies, but so can a van. The Escape is also not as fast and agile as a smaller car.

Both of these sound like a great buy: “One machine for all of my needs? Awesome.” But the reality is that while they each perform basic tasks well enough, as soon as you encounter a specific situation, the machine becomes worthless. In these examples, the off-roading aspect is their the greatest shortcoming. A Specialized Stumpjumper and a Jeep Wrangler Rubicon are the step above. Each was designed specifically for off-road applications. Huge shocks, fully suspended and burly; these two will get the job done. But ride them on the street and you immediately see the need for a road-only bike or car.

The best of both worlds is a garage full of equipment designed for specific purposes. A mountain bike for the mountains, a track bike for the velodromes, and a road bike for the roads. You’d also need a Jeep for the mountains, a turbo AWD Legacy for the track, and a Ford Focus for the streets. Damn, this is getting expensive. Now we see the shortcoming of specialization.

Modern Classics?

Much speculation has been made on which cars will one day become high-dollar auction babies. Automobile Magazine recently proclaimed that the 1994-1996 Chevrolet Impala SS will one day be a collector car. I have to disagree. The car is really a Chevy truck with a Capiece (Capiece, as in Ca-piece of crap) body atop it. The only people driving them are a couple of gangstas. But I see the journalists’ point- the car is one of the last big displacement rear-wheel-driven Chevrolets. The car symbolizes the end of an era. The era being one of poorly built, unreliable American RWD gas hog cruisers.

Another car, mentioned in Grassroots Motorsports Magazine, is the recent installment of the Pontiac GTO. Unlike the original version of the car in the 60’s, this one was merely borrowed from Australia. The car is a Holden. Not that the Aussies make bad cars, in fact, the Ford Falcon and the Holdens are wonderful, powerful cars, but they’re just not American. A re-badged car, with played-out Grand Prixish styling just doesn’t do it. The car may be worth money down the road, but only because so few were sold, not because the car is special.

Everyone’s speculation has one major flaw: they want so badly for the modern American car to be what it once was- a symbol of wealth, prosperity and stability. The problem is that American cars have been terrible for the past 30 years. The classics now- 1969 Camaro SS, 1964 and a half Ford Mustang and the Dodge Hemi Dart are all from a time when reliability was not a factor. No cars lasted very long, so only muscle and styling ruled. Recent cars just don’t instill the same emotions that the classics do. It may be a nostalgia for classic steel, but it’s difficult to believe that the plastic cars of today will sit in our children’s garages and be silently adored.

In today’s day and age, important cars will rule the collector market. Important cars and BMWs. By important, I mean the Honda Insight. That little bug of a car was the first ever of its kind. It’s strangely stylized and a hybrid. And by BMWs, I mean every M3 ever. Each generation is completely reworked and completely bad ass. The E30 M3 is already a classic— try finding one under ten grand.

American cars just don’t have that charm anymore. Nissan Skylines and Italian works of art will only get more and more expensive and desirable. In the meantime, Chevrolet Cavaliers will be donated as scrap metal to be forever forgotten.

Japan Is the Cheap Germany

Of course I’m talking about cars, not the people. The Japanese have one method of creating cars: copy America and Germany, yet not carbon copy, more like cheaply and poorly copy. We’re speaking in terms of styling only, because Japanese cars really are the most reliable cars on the road. Toyotas and Hondas will last forever. But their drivers have to live with plastic mediocrity. Ok, ok, so that’s a little harsh. I guess I just have a few vehicles in mind when I libel the Japanese car manufacturers.

For instance, every large Lexus is a knock-off of a BMW. A poor knock off. They have more cheap plastic and they don’t drive nearly as well as their Bavarian counterparts. The 2008 Lexus LS 460 is a duplicate of the 2006 BMW 750iL. They look the same, weigh the same, and are the same length. The BMW came out 2 years before the Lexus and has more refined features. To unlock the 750 you need only touch the handle. As long as the key is in your pocket the door will unlock. The Lexus mimics this ability. The key can still be in your pocket (ugly square thing) but you have to press a cheap little black rubber button on the car door handle to unlock it. The little button screams low quality, especially in the face of the touch sensitive handle BMW offers. Plus the interiors of BMW’s have always been better. They are ergonomic and intuitive.

Another example I have is not any one car versus any other car, but rather a comparison of manufacturers. Infinity versus Audi. Not only is Infinity just a slightly upgraded Nissan, it produces cars that don’t really get my blood pumping. Now don’t get me wrong, the G35, which is the US version of the Skyline, is fast and fun, but in no way compares to the Audi S4, much less the RS4. Audi builds wagons that inspire, while Infinity can barely design lines that hold my attention. When I drive an Infinity I can’t tell any difference between the Nissan it’s based on. Same handling, same lame seats, and same uninspired design. When I hop into an Audi I feel like I’m in something ten times better than Audi’s parent company’s cars, Volkswagen. More power, nicer features, and much more attractive. The Audi A4 wagon has an electronically controlled air-ride suspension that, when hung up on a large rock, can lift the vehicle up 6 inches. Even if you don’t ever off-road your Audi, that’s a cool feature. Try changing ride height in a G37.

All I’m saying is that Germany is making the better high-end cars right now. They’re faster, and in my opinion, look much better. But this could all change overnight. In the early 1900’s Chevrolet introduced the idea of releasing a new model year car every year and they’ve all been doing it ever since. Each company rolls out about five new cars a year― there’s bound to be some better luxury Japanese cars in the future.

Lazarus Has Finally Fallen

So for those of you who are familiar with the Bible, Lazarus was a blind man whom Jesus helped. First he gave him back the sense of sight, then when Lazarus died, Jesus reincarnated him. Lucky guy, this Lazarus. I’m not religious or anything, in fact, quite the opposite, but I have always liked the name Lazarus. I first thought it was cool when I went on the set of a made-for-TV mini series called The Lazarus Man. It was about some bad ass cowboy who couldn’t be killed. My dad gave me a tacky teal jacket that had the show’s logo on the back. I wore it until it could be worn no more.

So fast forward to junior year high school. I really wanted a car, a new car. I had heard of this car coming out in Europe in 1999 called the Ford Focus. It looked stellar, nothing like Ford had ever made before. So I coaxed my parents into buying it for me. I told them it got great gas mileage and that it was much safer than the airbagless 1987 Cop Edition Crown Victoria I was careening around in at the time. After owning the Focus for a few months and driving it around like the teenage jackass that I was, I decided it needed a name. It needed a name that people could read when they saw me speed by them at the governed 108 miles per hour. So I dubbed the sport compact Lazarus, because I felt invincible in the car. How juvenile.

So after moving to Albuquerque to attend UNM, I kept the car and the plate. I fielded questions about why I had picked that name and got sour looks from atheists and Christians alike. Then in June of 2007, the plate went missing. Disappeared from the back of the car. I reported it to the Albuquerque police, then spent a few hours dealing with getting a new one at the DMV. I paid for a new plate, then had to send away to Santa Fe for a new vanity plate. Set me back about $30. Sweet, plate’s back, nothing to worry about.

Now fast forward to last Friday. I was speeding (I really need to stop doing that) and got pulled over by a female UNM police officer. After sitting there for a few minutes I heard more sirens. Two other cop cars pull up behind her cruiser. They jump out and reach for their guns. “A little excessive, do these guys think this chick cop can’t handle me?” She came back to my window, “My computer says this car is stolen.” “What the fuck?” I thought as the men approached my car, hands on holstered guns. “Well, my plate got stolen last year,” I told the chick cop. Everything eventually got straightened out because she looked it up and saw that it was just the plate that was stolen. One of the male officers told me to go see APD and get the stolen tags code removed from my record. So after signing my name saying I’d show up in metro court, I took off to an APD sub-station. The APD officers told me they would have taken me out of the car at gun-point because catching thieves is how “cops get their jollies.” They also told me that I’m not actually supposed to have the vanity plate saying Lazarus. Because it was stolen, there were now two of the same license plates out in the world. Someone else could theoretically pop my plate on their car and commit a crime and I would be to blame. So now I had to return back to my favorite place in the world, the New Mexico Motor Vehicle Division. I spent a few hours there before I finally got to talk to a manager. He said he would have to confirm with the Santa Fe office that they issued me another Lazarus plate. So until he figures out the MVD’s ass from the MVD’s head, I have to roll around with a temp tag as if I just bought the car. After 5 hours, 2 police departments, and the MVD’s bureaucratic bullshit, all I have to show for the day is a temp plate and a court date.

So this marks the end of the saga. Lazarus is finally dead. I have had to resurrect him via the MVD a couple of times, but now it is time to just let him die.

Adjust or Bust: Is Camber the Answer?

So the SCCA season is back. I attended the first event in my war torn Focus. I placed 4th in my class, so now it’s back to work. I’ve made all the nessecary excuses (The other guys have more horsepower, more parts on their cars, their bald tires make them go faster, etc) and now I just need to focus on the real roots of the problem. 1st major problem- I’m not as good at racing as they are. I really don’t want to address that problem because it stifles my ego, plus I can’t get more seat time if there are no races. So the second problem- my car is slow. But that is an intrinsic problem of the Ford Focus and throwing even more money at the car for a few horsepower is not the route I’m gonna go. So the last issue that I’ve decided is the root of my woes is the alignment. I have every part I could get my hands on to run a racing suspension- lowered stiffer springs, stronger shorter shocks, front and rear anti-roll bars and poli bushings all around. I even have front and rear camber adjustment equipment. All this and I’m running stock camber numbers! What the hell man? Performance parts without the performance, time to put an end to all that…

But before that, maybe I should explain what the hell I’m talking about. Camber? Huh? Camber is one of the changeable suspension specifications on every car. Camber is the amount of tilt a wheel has in perpendicular relation to the ground. As you’re facing the car, if the top of the wheels tilt toward each other, there is negative camber. If the top of the wheels point out and away from each other, there is positive camber. Camber is important to keep at manufacturer’s specifications for vehicles intended for daily driving. If the camber on a car is where it’s supposed to be, tires will wear evenly. In racing, tire wear comes second to lap times.

I’ve kept my camber at a stock setting because I was worried about prematurely wearing out my tires on the streets. But now, fuck it. The tires on the rear are the ones that came with the car (in 2001) and are as hard as rocks and the fronts are some worthless cheap Kumhos. So if I destroy those I won’t be heartbroken. Plus, it’s all about the handling. This weekend is open shop day, so I’ll do the alignment myself and it’ll be free. Can’t beat that!

Japan, Watch Your Ass.

Korea is known for Communism (well, the Northern portion), the city of Seoul, Kimchi, my friend Daniel Rascon, and rice fields. Oh, and cheap crappy cars. Kia, Daewoo, and Hyundai all hail from the land of opportunity: South Korea. These cars have been typically little more than large tin cans affixed to roller skate wheels and sent out to the unsuspecting young women buyers of the Western world.

But not anymore. At least one company, Hyundai, is moving forward at an alarming rate. Alarming if you happen to be an engineer at Lexus or one of the boys over at Honda. Hyundai’s fellow countrymen at Daewoo have gone the way of Russian Communism, completely depleted with no widespread vocal support. Kia is still around and trying to be inventive, but falls short with their terrible German car knockoffs. Hyundai is really the only promising of the three. But all Japan needs is one major competitor. Hyundai has figured out a plan of attack- copy the best cars Japan is producing and make them more affordable. And it’s working.

The latest generation of the Hyundai Sonata is an exact ripoff of the Honda Accord. The wheelbase is similar, the cars are in the same class, the styling is identical if you squint, and the interior layout is very close. Now here’s the blasphemy: The Hyundai is better. Granted, Hyundai has no idea how to pull off the tiptronic (or manu-matic or auto-stick, or whatever you call it), but everything else is way above anything Hyundai has done before. The previous generations of Hyundais were terrible, thin, frail, sad machines. The latest Sonata is responsive, fast, chalked full of options, and doesn’t look half-bad (well, not as ugly as the Accord at least). After driving many examples of both, The Hyundai is the better car. Cheaper, better warranty, and more fun. It costs $18,600-$29,400 for the various trims of Accord and $17,300-$23,400 for the range of options offered with the Sonata. The Hyundai is a better deal.

Another Hyundai that catches the eye is their latest SUV. The sport utility vehicle is still unfortunately named after a Southwestern US city, yet the styling and manners have taken a very pleasing turn. The 2006 Santa Fe is gunning for the Japanese small SUVs, taking cues from the Toyota Rav-4 and the Honda CRV. The quality on all fronts has heightened: better radio capabilities, automatic windows, nicer seats, more leg room, and overall just better looking. It used to be embarrassing to own a Hyundai, but now it’s economical. There are still haters, but the next generation of wanna-be-land-of-the-rising-sun-autos is very promising. The recent Veracruz (a state in Mexico, incidentally) SUV and the rear-wheeled drive Tiburon are going to create a real-life, money making car company out of Hyundai yet.

All Wheel Drive Turbo: Only a Few Choices

“I’m Leif, Leif, Leif, Leif, I want this, I want this car and that car and any turbo car…”

I now must disclose the possible origin of the above quote. I really do want every car ever: I want a Unimog, a Miata, a MazdaSpeed 3, I want a Ford GT, and a GT3, and a Super Charged Range Rover Sport, and any M3. But recently I’ve really wanted something in AWD with a turbo.

The first two cars that come to mind are the Lancer Evo and the STi. They are each 300 horsepower, each all-wheel drive, and each pushing $30,00 per price tag. And each horribly ugly. With their atrocious rear wings ready for flight, their offensively large hood scoops (which even the Hemi Dart pulled off better), and their “street tuner rice box mod” appeal make me sick to my stomach. Sure they have power and AWD, but you’d expect that from their overbearing styling. Everyone over-rates the Evo and STi, claiming that they are the Alpha and the Omega, the Cream of the Crop, the (insert any cliche about anything overrated here), yet cars of this nature have been here this whole time. They’re just a little bit harder to find.

Take the Audi Quattrro Turbos of the 80’s. Here was a family sedan with turbo and AWD from a well respected German manufacturer. Do you want to stay in Japan? Then the Mazda 323 GTX is the best fix. AWD, hatchback that’s turbo charged. It was made in Japan for years, and was imported to the US for only 2 years. Between 1988 and 1989 only about 1,400 of these cars were sold. Ford has some potent AWD Turbos from over the years, but all were sold in Europe. The Cosworth Sierra and the Cosworth Escort were AWD Turbo beasts.

What do all of these AWDT’s have in common? They are all production cars made by car manufactures to get into rally. The WRC (World Rallye Championship) is a huge world-wide on-and-off road timed extravaganza. Well, not really an extravaganza, it’s just a race. But it’s the most badass race of all time! It tests skills of drivers on snow, ice, dirt, sand, rain, and tarmac. The race is so trying that the drivers have a co-driver to tell them what the road ahead is like.

So how does all of this apply to me, me, me, me? Well, I want a rally car, duh. A car that I can put huge fog lights onto, a car that I can custom fabricate street sign skid plates, and a car that I can actually take onto the dirt, not to mention over speed bumps. My current vehicle is street only, and some days feels like it should be track only. I’ve already complained about mentioned its rough ride. A pseudo Jeep with the power of forced induction ripping through gravel up the west side of the Sandias is what I dream of. Something that looks mean, but not extravagant; powerful, yet not overstated.

Sadly if I even follow through with my car dream of the month, it’ll probably have to be a Subaru. The $30k cars are too expensive, the Mazda is too difficult to find in good condition close to home, and the UK Fords cost thousands to import. I hate the way all WRXs look. If only a 2001 Impreza Wagon could be found for a good price. Then engine swapping we shall go.